Stephanie Davis hasn\'t returned to \'Hollyoaks\' because she "relapsed" and tried to take her own life.
The soap star, who recently admitted she has "high functioning autism", has opened up about being an hour away from death and says she slowly felt her body was "giving up".
She wrote on her We Are Simply Complicated Instagram page: "I haven\'t been back to work because the real truth is I relapsed & tried to kill my self.
"This was a suicide video I was leaving behind saying I\'m sorry & cannot continue. I can still feel the pain in my chest when I watch this, it\'s really hard to watch.
"I relapsed after a long time sober, I did so well and I am proud of my self for that. Because of a build up of events that happened I should have made a completely different decision with certain things & stood by everything I worked so hard for & my self worth, BUT I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason as it lead me to my diagnosis.
"I was working on something which I went through in real life that brought up a lot of pain for me, I lost my truth & self worth, I hated my self & didn\'t feel good enough anymore, it\'s hard being a single mum, my uncle died & I was battling badly with my mental health without any help or medication & I finally broke.
"I knew I was breaking for a good while before this, but I was trying my absolute BEST to be ok, but I wasn\'t My heart couldn\'t take anymore pain after the horrendous DV relationship which I have trauma and PTSD from & still hasn\'t dealt with properly.
"I felt like life was unfair, I couldn\'t breath, I was anxious, why was all this pain happening to me when all i wanted desperately was to be happy. I was in hospital a week before but I slowly felt my body giving up, I lost feeling in both arms & then my legs... I was rushed into hospital by blue light & straight into intensive care, if I was left another hour I would have died. (sic)"
Stephanie admits she chose to share her story because she wants her situation to help others.
She wrote: "I\'m only just starting to get to know my self, it\'s still been hard, I\'m still battling but I needed to get this off my chest. If I wasn\'t in the public eye I would be dealing with this with my family and loved ones, but I feel I need to be honest because the pain I\'ve been through has been so UNBEARABLE that I HAVE to help other people (sic)"
The 26-year-old star is "so proud" of herself, and admits she wouldn\'t be here if it wasn\'t for her two-year-old son Caben-Albi.
She added: "I\'m back to not the old Steph but the funny Steph everyone knew and loved but 10000x better. I\'m so proud of my self for getting through what I just have and to the beautiful good hearted people who helped me.
I hope to make a difference next year regarding mental health nd addiction and make a difference! but right now I still need to work on my self, build up my strength.
Finally - Caben... You are my Absolute everything, without you I wouldn\'t be hear, I love you so much, you are my rock and reason to life, I love you with all my heart. All my love... Stephanie. Xx (sic)"
