Lacey Turner didn\'t think she\'d have a baby after suffering two miscarriages.
The \'EastEnders\' star - who welcomed daughter Dusty into the world with her husband Matt Kay in July last year - didn\'t let herself "get excited" until later in her pregnancy because she was "so scared" of losing another baby.
Appearing on ITV\'s \'Loose Women\' on Thursday (27.02.20), she said: "I didn\'t get excited until I was about 20, 25 weeks... I was so scared. Until you can feel kicking, you don\'t actually know anything is there...
"Because I thought this might not work, I just became really laid back about the whole thing. It is what it is...
"I just felt numb to the whole thing, so anything that was happening in there, I was just, \'Oh that\'s great\'. But not how you should feel."
The 31-year-old actress admitted she was putting "so much pressure" on herself after her miscarriages, and she had almost given up hope on falling pregnant for a third time.
She added: "It took us ages to get pregnant, I put so much pressure on myself to fall pregnant that actually it wasn\'t happening. It got to the point where I said to Matt, \'Just forget it, we\'ll get a puppy\'.
"It\'s not the same, but... As soon as said that, we fell pregnant. I remember I was in the bath and Matt said \'Oh, it says pregnant\'. I said, \'Well don\'t get excited\'.
"I felt horrible that I wouldn\'t let him get excited about it, and I ignored it until I was 14 weeks. I honestly ignored it, I carried on, I carried on eating chocolate yogurts and all the things you shouldn\'t eat."
Lacey - who has played Stacey Fowler on the BBC soap since 2004, and is currently on maternity leave - candidly admitted while she knows why she reacted in that way, part of her wished she\'d enjoyed being pregnant more.
She explained: "A little bit. I understand why I dealt with it in that way, but it would\'ve been nice if I could allow us to be more excited... You just protect yourself a bit."
Lacey previously revealed she and her husband decided on their daughter\'s name after looking online, and she has described Dusty as their "little miracle".
She said: "It wasn\'t on our original list but we did an internet search for \'pretty girls\' names\' and we both said it at the same time. Dusty\'s our little miracle - we call her special K.
"You hear so many horror stories about labour but I feel lucky to be able to say I had a really lovely time."
