Suzanne Shaw has been on antidepressants for 20 years

Suzanne Shaw has been on antidepressants for 20 years.

The former \'Emmerdale\' actress - who has Corey, 15, with ex-boyfriend Darren Day, and Rafferty, four, with fiancé Sam Greenfield - has had days where she didn\'t want to "wake up" but insisted she\'d never take her own life because of her family.

Speaking to OK! magazine, she said: "I\'m on antidepressants and I have been on them for 20 years. I came off them during my pregnancies but went back on them when I had postnatal depression twice.

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"If I\'d had a really heavy night, I\'d not want to wake up. I would never take my own life because of the kids and responsibilities, but I\'d think, \'Ugh, not another day, I can\'t do this.\'

"I\'d pull the duvet over my head and want it all to just go away."

The 38-year-old former Hear\'Say singer has now given up alcohol as she admitted drinking only made her depression worse.

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She said: "I was tired of being fed up with myself. I would do two months of not drinking, then I\'d go to a wedding, drink loads and it would creep back into my life and I\'d drink more.

"Every time I drank, it was taking a massive toll on my depression. My thoughts were getting darker and darker and I needed to help myself.

"I decided to do the One Year No Beer challenge and I\'m six months in now. My last drink was on 3 January. I can\'t see myself going back to it, I prefer my life so much more now.

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"When I\'d open a bottle of wine, I\'d be thinking how low I\'d feel the next day so I wouldn\'t even enjoy it."

Suzanne - who has also gone vegan after turning to binge eating when she felt low - is now feeling much better about herself.

She said: "My anxiety was through the roof after drinking. Sam has noticed a massive difference in me now that I\'ve stopped. I\'m far less anxious or self-critical."